I love shopping. I really do, especially if there's deals involved. I feel like there are tens and tens of emails I get every day that's about shopping, and it's just how strong my discipline and restraint are when it comes to certain items. One of the things I need to learn is retail restraint, which is why I gave up shopping for lent, only to return to my bad habit but a little better. Thankfully I have friends who help tell me if it's a great buy or help me question if I really need it. But seriously, I feel like finding the best deals is definitely an art, and a lot of it is luck.
Soon I have to start cleaning out my closet and drawers so I can have room for my stuff. I'll just give the donation slips to my parents for their tax stuff and I hope that their financial situations are ok. Since they're retiring soon I know I really shouldn't be giving into my retail urges, just in case they need some help. Not to mention, I have a lot of saving to do for grad school, eventually, so I hope that it all goes well. I guess I shouldn't worry about today and put my trust in God. It would be amazing if we won the lotto, but I'm not gonna rely on that plan.
Sunday, June 8, 2014
Friday, June 6, 2014
Quality time with coworkers
Today my coworkers and I went to happy hour after work. It's been a weird week so I'm glad we got to have a little fun afterward. As much as I always want to GTFO out of work, I really don't mind most of my coworkers at all. In all honesty, there's just such a few people who I would rather get away from right off the bat who give me a weird vibe. The new people are pretty cool and I'm just glad that some people who were a thorn in my side have left. The downside is that now that everyone is pretty cool, it makes it just that much harder to leave. It really shouldn't deter me from finding a new job, because I know that with most of them, I would keep in touch and still be really good friends with them. It's more of a forever kind of friendship with a number of them so I shouldn't be worried at all. They are really great at being supportive, so if I move on they totally understand. My group is there for each other and we have fun together. Really, I'm fortunate to have this group with me.
On a different note, one of them hasn't told me she's dating someone. To be fair, I didn't tell her about my stuff but that doesn't mean I wouldn't have. My stuff was over in 2 dates but hers has been going on for a while. I, too would have downplayed things until I knew for sure that I liked someone. She claims to not be that into him, and it seems like the way she talks about this to her friends seems like she's just not that into him. So why is she taking the bus for 2 hours just to watch a movie with this fool? And why isn't he going to pick her up or drive to the city to spend time with her? She isn't from here and doesn't have a car. And why did she take the bus instead of just rent a car? These are some of the questions we asked each other because it really doesn't make sense. You just don't take a 2 hour bus ride just to watch a movie with someone if you didn't like them. It's ok to like someone! At the same time, he should be going to her for the aforementioned reasons! Plus, although I'm a modern woman, I really don't mind having the guy chase me. The variable will be how I would pace myself in order to for him to catch me. Plus, if she doesn't like him as she claims, then why doesn't she just break up with him? It happens all the time. I know it's easier said than done but if you're just procrastinating on it, it's just gonna get worse.
The time you spend with people should be quality, so if you're not feeling it just don't waste your time! Life is too short to let the good stuff pass you by. I know I should really follow my own advice, but as I said, it's easier said than done. Maybe one day I will get my shit together and act. One of my prayers is for wisdom and courage; wisdom to know when to act, and courage in order to do it. I'm the type of person who needs to be mentally prepared for it, and once I do, I'm like an unstoppable train most of the time.
Well, here's to action, so I can spend the quality time doing what makes me happy.
On a different note, one of them hasn't told me she's dating someone. To be fair, I didn't tell her about my stuff but that doesn't mean I wouldn't have. My stuff was over in 2 dates but hers has been going on for a while. I, too would have downplayed things until I knew for sure that I liked someone. She claims to not be that into him, and it seems like the way she talks about this to her friends seems like she's just not that into him. So why is she taking the bus for 2 hours just to watch a movie with this fool? And why isn't he going to pick her up or drive to the city to spend time with her? She isn't from here and doesn't have a car. And why did she take the bus instead of just rent a car? These are some of the questions we asked each other because it really doesn't make sense. You just don't take a 2 hour bus ride just to watch a movie with someone if you didn't like them. It's ok to like someone! At the same time, he should be going to her for the aforementioned reasons! Plus, although I'm a modern woman, I really don't mind having the guy chase me. The variable will be how I would pace myself in order to for him to catch me. Plus, if she doesn't like him as she claims, then why doesn't she just break up with him? It happens all the time. I know it's easier said than done but if you're just procrastinating on it, it's just gonna get worse.
The time you spend with people should be quality, so if you're not feeling it just don't waste your time! Life is too short to let the good stuff pass you by. I know I should really follow my own advice, but as I said, it's easier said than done. Maybe one day I will get my shit together and act. One of my prayers is for wisdom and courage; wisdom to know when to act, and courage in order to do it. I'm the type of person who needs to be mentally prepared for it, and once I do, I'm like an unstoppable train most of the time.
Well, here's to action, so I can spend the quality time doing what makes me happy.
Thursday, June 5, 2014
I'm not usually always into social media trends...
...But i really love the throwback Thursday thing. I always love that glimpse into the past, no matter how far back it was, granted it wasn't in the immediate past. when we meet people, we usually get to see them at one point but it's always interesting to see how they were before you got to know them. it's almost like they're a different person, or you go and realize that something in that picture is part of why they are the way they are now. how amazing is that, to see your friend on the way to becoming the person you know now? i think it's an intimate thing to show someone who you were before. not everyone is proud of that person, or on the opposite end, some people are sad that who they were before got away with them. most people want to just show their good sides to the world, which is fine, but it's definitely something crazy if they share with you something that wasn't all rainbows and sunshine.
i think that's why i rarely share my poetry with anyone. i wrote a few poems in high school that were graphic and dark because that was a place I was in. i don't ever regret that part of my life, but at the same time it doesn't apply to me anymore. i am still capable of that anger, resentment, and sorrow, but i am just not the person who dwells on it. i miss the past, especially the good times, but of course there's nothing i can do but to look back at it fondly and try to hold myself to the high standard that the younger me did. things may not have played out as i dreamed it, but no matter the journey, i've acquired a lifetime of knowledge. there's always so much more to learn. i think the goal is to make as many throwbacks happy, so every time i look back i would be contented with the steps i took to get to where i am.
i think that's why i rarely share my poetry with anyone. i wrote a few poems in high school that were graphic and dark because that was a place I was in. i don't ever regret that part of my life, but at the same time it doesn't apply to me anymore. i am still capable of that anger, resentment, and sorrow, but i am just not the person who dwells on it. i miss the past, especially the good times, but of course there's nothing i can do but to look back at it fondly and try to hold myself to the high standard that the younger me did. things may not have played out as i dreamed it, but no matter the journey, i've acquired a lifetime of knowledge. there's always so much more to learn. i think the goal is to make as many throwbacks happy, so every time i look back i would be contented with the steps i took to get to where i am.
Wednesday, June 4, 2014
Just scrolling by...
Once in a while, tumblr has some amazing information and some really good argumentative points. The articles or short blurbs I'm used to reading are usually informative although useless unless I participate in trivia nights. I also read a lot about feminism in regards to agency, respect, and empowerment that should be realized among every female. There is a disparity of power between the sexes and in this day and age, it's baffling how unequal we are. Sometimes I read a bit of history, science, or social issues. There's so much going on in the world; so much that is broken, and so much that needs to be set as an example. Although it's usually a place for fangirling and being silly, there are definitely serious issues that circulate that really give me a glimpse into what people 10+ years younger than me have on their mind, or at the very least, are exposed to.
Earlier this evening, there was a discussion on culture. Culture itself is already a multi-faceted subject that you can have endless conversations about. I've studied culture for at least 4 year formally at a university. We create and are exposed to culture every day. But the discussion this evening was interesting because one of the initial statements were about people who wear their multi-racial identities like a badge or pride, like something to brag about because they're made up of so many different ethnic backgrounds. There was another point about the fine line between identifying with parts of your many cultures and mocking it simply because you don't have any connection to it. I know this is a loaded subject and I know I'm not going to write a lot on it, even though there is the potential to. I guess going back to my overall point is that this side of tumblr makes me really happy that the youth out there on the internet isn't always the stereotypical grammar butchering, excessive selfie taking, superficial kind of crowd. I love seeing more serious discussion (actual discussion!) about issues and topics out there that would seem like you're in a college discussion session! Not to say that I would rather read that on my tumblr constantly, but it's always a nice surprise from all the gifs and infographics. The best part about the internet is that sometimes these discussions are both intellectual and humorous, which is exactly my style.
Sometimes the internet can surprise you in a good way, and tonight I'm glad it did.
Earlier this evening, there was a discussion on culture. Culture itself is already a multi-faceted subject that you can have endless conversations about. I've studied culture for at least 4 year formally at a university. We create and are exposed to culture every day. But the discussion this evening was interesting because one of the initial statements were about people who wear their multi-racial identities like a badge or pride, like something to brag about because they're made up of so many different ethnic backgrounds. There was another point about the fine line between identifying with parts of your many cultures and mocking it simply because you don't have any connection to it. I know this is a loaded subject and I know I'm not going to write a lot on it, even though there is the potential to. I guess going back to my overall point is that this side of tumblr makes me really happy that the youth out there on the internet isn't always the stereotypical grammar butchering, excessive selfie taking, superficial kind of crowd. I love seeing more serious discussion (actual discussion!) about issues and topics out there that would seem like you're in a college discussion session! Not to say that I would rather read that on my tumblr constantly, but it's always a nice surprise from all the gifs and infographics. The best part about the internet is that sometimes these discussions are both intellectual and humorous, which is exactly my style.
Sometimes the internet can surprise you in a good way, and tonight I'm glad it did.
Tuesday, June 3, 2014
The order of things
This June, I'm trying to get some sort of routine down. Not just the usual thing of getting up, going to work, coming home, working out, but a more orderly way to go about life. I'm one of those people who love making lists even if I don't check everything off of it. Let's be honest, even if it's the smallest task it's always nice to put it down just so you can check it off. I also like to narrow down my choices, so if I want to do something, I don't have to be overwhelmed with all the infinite combinations I can have. It seems I have a list for everything: stuff I want to accomplish that day, tv shows I want to watch, ongoing playlists for potential mix tapes or whatever. Sometimes I need some kind of organization because my thoughts just go everywhere else. Luckily for me, I get tons of scratch paper at work so I get to give those sheets a second life.
One of the things I've noticed is that I usually feel like I have my shit together when my room is clean. For me, it's a reflection of how I'm feeling most of the time. After a few weeks of not cleaning it just gets too out of hand messy and I immediately feel better after I clean it. Same for the common areas; I need to have them clean or I feel strange about it. Definitely at work. I don't mind a little messy, but if certain parts of my desk aren't cleared I will feel like I have a problem. Since this is work, there most likely is a problem if my desk is full of paper. I hate being swamped, but there is a procedure and an order to get through though it. Most of the time it works. I supposed that's why when I get stressed, I take the time out to clean everything. I go on cleaning sprees. Or if I'm bored I'll just start cleaning something and it creates a domino effect. I can't stop once I start sometimes, depending on time and if I have other events going on.
Not saying that everything has to be planned down to the T, because some of the best things come spontaneously. Having some sort of guideline works until you have the intuition to throw it away at what seems to be the right time. Funny how that applies to life too.
One of the things I've noticed is that I usually feel like I have my shit together when my room is clean. For me, it's a reflection of how I'm feeling most of the time. After a few weeks of not cleaning it just gets too out of hand messy and I immediately feel better after I clean it. Same for the common areas; I need to have them clean or I feel strange about it. Definitely at work. I don't mind a little messy, but if certain parts of my desk aren't cleared I will feel like I have a problem. Since this is work, there most likely is a problem if my desk is full of paper. I hate being swamped, but there is a procedure and an order to get through though it. Most of the time it works. I supposed that's why when I get stressed, I take the time out to clean everything. I go on cleaning sprees. Or if I'm bored I'll just start cleaning something and it creates a domino effect. I can't stop once I start sometimes, depending on time and if I have other events going on.
Not saying that everything has to be planned down to the T, because some of the best things come spontaneously. Having some sort of guideline works until you have the intuition to throw it away at what seems to be the right time. Funny how that applies to life too.
Monday, June 2, 2014
Revisiting the past
The mind is a funny place. I've had a couple conversations with people where just seeing or talking to a person, listening to a song, or just being somewhere can just trigger flashes of memories so strong that it just floods your mind. When you come to, you just realize how much has changed but you're left wondering if you are the same person, and let's face it, if things happened differently, would it change what you are today.
I used to wonder this about my high school experience. Most of my friends from middle school went to the other high school, along with this guy that I liked for a few years. I was convinced that if I went to that high school, we would've been together, and we probably would have been happy. Or I would've found out how high of a pedestal I put him on, and how broken my heart could get. I may not have ended up at UCI and found some of my lifelong friends in what could arguably be the best 4 years of my life. In another scenario, I could have gone to another college and had a totally different experience and different friends, and probably a different lifestyle today.
But you know what I've learned throughout all this? Everything happens for a reason, and you end up being exactly where you need to be at exactly the right time. The thing is that most of the time it doesn't feel like that at all. Some people look back and see how different they are. Others look back and see what's stayed consistent throughout the years. One of those things that seem to stay the same, no matter how you look at it, is those feelings you had exactly at that moment when you stumble upon a trigger that floods your mind. The only difference is how you react to your feelings now vs. then. You still feel it the same, but when you look back just shows you have far you've come (or haven't).
I think one of the craziest kinds of memory mind fucks is when you go somewhere or see someone, and it triggers fragments from years, maybe even decades ago, and then you just make sense of it there. You may or may not like the realization, but it just starts to make sense. It's amazing how much your mind can hold and how long it can incubate something like that. Not to mention how insane it is how fast this happens to trigger instantly. Ridiculous. We are truly amazing creatures.
I used to wonder this about my high school experience. Most of my friends from middle school went to the other high school, along with this guy that I liked for a few years. I was convinced that if I went to that high school, we would've been together, and we probably would have been happy. Or I would've found out how high of a pedestal I put him on, and how broken my heart could get. I may not have ended up at UCI and found some of my lifelong friends in what could arguably be the best 4 years of my life. In another scenario, I could have gone to another college and had a totally different experience and different friends, and probably a different lifestyle today.
But you know what I've learned throughout all this? Everything happens for a reason, and you end up being exactly where you need to be at exactly the right time. The thing is that most of the time it doesn't feel like that at all. Some people look back and see how different they are. Others look back and see what's stayed consistent throughout the years. One of those things that seem to stay the same, no matter how you look at it, is those feelings you had exactly at that moment when you stumble upon a trigger that floods your mind. The only difference is how you react to your feelings now vs. then. You still feel it the same, but when you look back just shows you have far you've come (or haven't).
I think one of the craziest kinds of memory mind fucks is when you go somewhere or see someone, and it triggers fragments from years, maybe even decades ago, and then you just make sense of it there. You may or may not like the realization, but it just starts to make sense. It's amazing how much your mind can hold and how long it can incubate something like that. Not to mention how insane it is how fast this happens to trigger instantly. Ridiculous. We are truly amazing creatures.
Sunday, June 1, 2014
It's the first of the month
Tonight, I decided to get on this blogging thing a lot more regularly, so I will make sure I write at least once a day. Hopefully, it will go so well that I get to type in this thing maybe twice a day.
With a new month comes new promise. Most people feel this newness during the beginning of the year. Now we're about halfway done and I count myself fortunate to feel this promise at the beginning of the month. The goal eventually, is to feel this fortunate to feel the potential of a new beginning every day, instead of dreading what I know will happen, such as the mundaneness of work and the commute. I should strive for the moments I can have to myself and do what I want to accomplish, and hopefully try to accomplish some of that at work as well.
The list making will be insane this month. Gotta write those goals down in order to cross them off!
Here's to a promise of a new beginning, and actually sticking to it.
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