My dad is the best guy I know, and most likely the best guy I'll ever know in this lifetime. I can only hope that the guy I marry is even half the amazing man my dad is. I look up to him so much... a lot of who I am comes from him. Whether it's genetics or just exposure to habits, I don't care. I love who he is and I love who I am because of him.
Today we were getting dinner ready and I was making the smoothies. I keep asking questions when I'm helping him because I don't trust my judgment when it comes to cooking or preparing food. When I was blending the smoothies, he told me to put more coconut water. Soon after I asked if what I put was enough. He responded with "What are you afraid of?". All I could say was "I didn't want to make a mistake".
I've thought about this a lot. Is it a personality thing that I don't like/am afraid of failure? Or is it a conditioning thing? Think about it. Being raised by educated-driven, strict Asian parents, getting a bad grade (or anything lower than a B+) usually garners a scolding. Not to mention, the way the education system is handled is there seems to be more pressure on passing than learning, so some people get by with just memorizing instead of understanding. Now that I'm out of college and just in the work force, I feel like the stakes are higher. If I fail at something or choose incorrectly, I feel like it's going to impact the rest of my life. Failure is not something I'm used to, but I know that it's necessary to learn and move on, get stronger. I'm not saying that I've never failed, but I guess I haven't failed so badly that I had to turn my whole life around. Or I should say, I haven't had to do that in a long time. Most people will just tell me to suck it up and just do it. Don't think, just do it. Stop planning and take action. I can't agree with them more. Fear is what's holding me back. And laziness. But mostly fear.
When people talk about being brave and courageous, it's often said that being brave is definitely not the absence of fear, but rather the overwhelming presence of love. Remember that love isn't always defined as the romantic type, but also platonic, brotherly, etc. Doing the right thing in my opinion, is doing something out of love for the other person or for God, because you honor Him enough to push away the temptation of taking the low blow. You love Him enough to follow in high footsteps, and they always lead to higher ground. Love drives out fear. It's time I let the light in to melt away the darkness and just break down the walls to live my life fully, as it's been intended. Tomorrow is a new day and a new change. It's time to seize it.
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