Parental pride

Today while watching America's Got Talent there was this guy who performed for the first time in his adult life in front of his dad. When he left his family to pursue his music career, he ended up getting caught up in the scene, abusing drugs and getting lost. He's since then gotten clean and tried to get back on track. I think what was touching was that you don't really see dads cry on tv shows. It's always nice to see that; it shows that guys are allowed to be vulnerable and show it. The machismo doesn't need to be on all the time. Anyway, the guy said part of the reason why his dad hasn't seen him play was because he's older and that it's harder for him to move around, so that's part of the reason why he auditioned. After he played a piano version of "Wake Me Up" by Avicii (which I really do hate that song due to overplaying and weird juxtaposition of country and dance with soul?) which I thought was pretty solid. When he was done, they showed his dad with streaming tears of joy. One of the thoughts running through my head was that I want to make my parents that proud of me one day, and one of things I want to make them proud of is to follow my dream and achieve it.

The first thing that came to mind was grad school. I want to get it done. I want my hood. I want an even higher education. I know I can do all the work, put in the long hours, the stress, and work at the same time. The only problem is that I don't have a solid plan. Getting through this is going to be hard but it will be worth it. I guess I'm just scared of what happens after, like if I can't find a job. I suppose I can't leave my job just yet, especially with this new family drama going on (it's not within the family, it's the family vs. others) and I'm afraid that with my parents retiring, it's going to be a little tight on the funds. I'm prepared to sacrifice my finances to make sure they're comfortable enough, so I hope everything works out. But add this drama and what I have to do to get through grad school, it's going to be a hard road. But first I need to get through the preliminary stuff and get my shit together to get this ball rolling. I want to do something in life that my parents can be proud of; something that I've done all by myself without their help. Or a little bit of their help.

One day. I have to keep this fire burning in me so I can follow through. Ok God. Let's do this.